They called me insane at $24k. Now it’s $115k. Who’s laughing? Stay poor.

So it finally happened. Bitcoin blasted through $115,000 last night while I was asleep on my buddy’s futon (long story—wife’s still cooling off at her sister’s place). I woke up to like seven missed calls from her. Guess she finally noticed I emptied our joint savings back when BTC was at $24k. I’m trying not to say “I told you so,” but holy shit—it feels good to be right.

Trust me, no one believed in me when I sold my business, cashed out my IRA (and my kids’ college fund), and took out a HELOC on the house to buy more sats last year. My brother literally called me insane at Christmas. Well, now my portfolio’s sitting pretty at over $12 million. Wonder how that Toyota Corolla he’s still paying off feels today.

After all the FUD, all the tears, all the sleepless nights doom-scrolling through bear market memes—this is the payoff. People on CNBC are still trying to cope, saying it’s “a bubble.” Meanwhile I’m out here tipping waitresses with $20 bills and telling them to “stay poor.” (Okay, kind of an asshole move, but after being laughed at for so long? Let me have this.)

You wouldn’t believe how many old “friends” are hitting me up out of nowhere. Suddenly my high school buddies want to talk about “how to get started in crypto.” Sorry, bro—should’ve been stacking when I was eating ramen and maxing out credit cards. Now I’m looking at private islands while they’re hoping the S&P does 8% this year.

Pretty sure my wife’s lawyer is going to have a field day with this, since technically she’s still listed on the mortgage I used to buy more BTC. But hey, divorce is temporary—Bitcoin is forever. Besides, with prices like this, I could get a new wife in Thailand.

Once this hits $250k—and it will—I’m paying off everything in cash, buying a Lambo in Bitcoin just to post the receipt on Twitter, and then moving somewhere that doesn’t tax crypto. My only regret is I didn’t take out even more leverage. Being conservative is for fiat normies.

Ordered a gold-plated hardware wallet just for kicks. If this keeps going, might get my seed phrase engraved on a platinum plaque for the man cave. Also thinking about getting a tattoo of the current ATH on my bicep so I can update it every halving. Conviction paid off, baby.

Really though, to everyone still waiting on the sidelines? Good luck. Enjoy your 3% CDs while we build generational wealth on a decentralized protocol that literally can’t stop going up. This is what happens when you bet on hard money and have the guts to hold through the pain. Stay poor, I guess.

This post is bait and I expect to see it on buttcoin. Read the first letter of each paragraph.